AN IMPERFECT MOTHER'S DAY?

For Mother's Day, my friend New York Sun columnist Lenore is seeking "a day of no advice to mothers! You too? That's what I'm writing about today: the fact that moms are expected to do everything perfectly right, and there are tons of books and magazine articles telling us precisely how to do that. And, of course, there are things to buy to "help" too -- like a thermometer to make sure baby's water isn't too hot. Can't we just feel it? If it makes us scream -- adjust the temp! And then there was a magazine article I read the other day -- four pages on "Taking your child out for a day in the sun." (Not really a whole day, of course, because the sun's rays are far too damaging in the middle of the afternoon.) How did we get to this point where moms are buffeted by so much advice and castigated for not peeling the grapes and finding lots of "teachable moments"?"

So, here's my response:

Dear Lenore: Well, your question is but the tip of the cliched iceberg. It is not merely mothers, but all of us who are inundated with the things we should buy to be healthy, wealthy and wise, the books we should read for better, more balanced lives, the classes we should take for inner peace and moral understanding, the car we should drive that doesn't pollute the environment and drive up gas prices, the music we should listen to that will raise money for the starving children in Somalia or east Philly, and on and on and on. What you are witnessing is actually the work of PR pioneer Ed Bernays. The way to sell things is to connect them to some emotional need and moral cause. You want to be a better person, right? You want the planet to be evergreen, right? You want to be a wise, loving, caring, smart, top of the line model Mom, right? Then...buy this book. Buy this hybrid car. Listen to these CDs. Connecting a product with a cause and also with an important emotional response--a sense of well-being, of responsibility, what have you--is a great way to sell said product. It's horrible, yes, but without it, capitalism would have gone the way of communism a long time ago. If we purchased, each, according to our needs, we'd stop buying. I mean, no Mom really needs that CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE MOMMY'S SOUL 4-disk set you can listen to in your car. As you note, you don't really need that baby water thermometer. But you want to show that you're a good Mom and since Jayne Seymour is using one of these things in the cover story of this month's REDBOOK, why hell, you gotta go out and get one lest you be considered a modern day Medea. It all started in the 1920s with Bernays, that's how we got to this point. And no, you can't have an imperfect Mother's Day because that would drive down sales and as you know, the best way to boost our economy is to go take President Bush's tax rebate and buy yourself a baby thermometer, a copy of THE JOY OF COOKING and box of Russell Stover chocolates. Happy Mother's Day.