about those holiday cards

Dear friend Lenore is at it again, writing a column for THE NEW YORK SUN about holiday greeting cards and holiday "here's what the SMITH family did this year" letters, what they mean, what they say about you, you get the idea. So, here's what I think about this:

If you're like me...which would be VERY odd...you generally send cards that you get free from the Church of Latter Day Saints or charity for Native Americans that show up in your mailbox along with free address labels (does ANYONE bother actually BUYING address labels anymore?). This is because I think anything that can be done to stop the tyranny of conglomerates Hallmark and Shoebox from plastering the world with their rhyming and Gidget-sweet sentiments by NOT purchasing their cards is the best way to make it to the top of Santa's NICE list. Okay, I made all that up. I usually buy my Christmas cards at the Dollar store. This is because, like Scrooge, I'm thrifty. And that Scrooge guy turned out pretty well in the end, didn't he? Of course, he did wind up spending a lot of money, quite unnecessary, as the prisons and workhouses were, in fact, still in operation. Okay, I'm kidding again. Let's move on. I think people like to send you pictures of their kids because (1) the holidays are an uberfamily oriented time of year (2) to tell the world, "Hey, look what I accomplished! I PROCREATED! And I've managed to raise these kids and not kill them by feeding them too much whole milk and look, I've actually CLOTHED them as well!" and (3) to make their single friends (a) feel the complete and utter emptiness of their solitary existence or (b) remind them of all the money they are saving so they can take trips to the Swiss Alps because they don't have to feed and clothes these dang kids. As for what I do with friends' holiday letters, I find if I fold them up in tight little squares, they're just the thing for balancing out unbalanced table legs. So it's a gift that keeps on giving. And why do people send out these letters? Because we're supposed to be selfless during the holidays and therefore enraptured by what other people are doing in their lives...which thus allows people to indulge their self-centered-self-obsessed-selves by writing letters about how wonderful they, their spouses, kids and anyone and anything THEY care about...are. It's not about whether anyone READS these letters...the joy for folks is in the WRITING of them.
You go and have yourself a happy holiday!