Fellow scribe Lenore Skenazy is writing a column this week about how she left her 9 year old at the perfume counter at Bloomingdale's in Manhatten to fulfill his wish to make his way home on his own like an adult. She thought this was fine, but others thought it tantamount to child abuse. So, here's what I think...
Lenore: "New York City is as safe as it was in 1963." Why 1963? Is that when Batman finally got the Joker off the streets? I mean, there's a lot of nasty supervillains roaming Gotham's dark, drippy alleys you know--The Riddler, The Penguin, George Steinbrenner. Next thing you know, your poor kid has been whisked away to be trained as a bemasked Henchman, striped-shirt cannon fodder for the Dynamic Duo. BIFF-POW-BAM, I mean, it's hard for your average Henchman to get a decent medical coverage nowadays...
But seriously folks, the issue is how are we defining "kid." Perhaps the eyebrows would not be so raised if your son were 12 or 13. So long as you're in single-digit territory, there may very well be a good reason to be concerned. Heck, some 12 year olds are bigger than I am, they're physically imposing, i.e. not going to be easily whisked away to slave away in the Yankees farm system.
Of course, you're in Manhattan. In Baltimore, leave the kid alone for five minutes, chances are he'll end up with an STD and a corruption charge against him.
Then again, you might be guilty of child endangerment just by leaving your son at the perfume counter. Without an adult to protect him, he might be spritzed beyond recognition as a swarm of Bloomie's perfume workers hit him from every side with shots of ETERNITY FOR MEN, ARAMIS and the latest concoction from Calvin Klein...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Too Sexy?
This time, the lost Lenore inquires, "Victoria's Secret...now too sexy?"
Me reply:
Dubbed the "poor man's Playboy," Victoria's Secret is not too sexy, not in today's anything-goes world where you can see--on basic cable--a woman give a man "digital" satisfaction (BREAKING BAD is the show) and where on "regular" TV, a bare butt or bare nearly anything is considered family viewing. Asking if VICTORIA's SECRET is too sexy is like asking are the Montgomery Wards/Sears bra ads too sexy, i.e. it's old school, old world, just plain old. Better question is, who even CARES about Victoria's Secret anymore? My guess is this "too sexy" business and the new line Victoria's Secret is now touting is more than likely a publicity stunt to give their tired line some attention. I'm reminded of a line from the movie, INHERIT THE WIND, where Gene Kelly, playing the H.L. Mencken role, says of "Matthew Harrison Brady" (William Jennings Bryan), "How do you write an obituary for a man who has already been dead for 20 years?" Victoria's Secret has been dead since the early 90s. The internet and cable killed it. It just doesn't know it yet.
Me reply:
Dubbed the "poor man's Playboy," Victoria's Secret is not too sexy, not in today's anything-goes world where you can see--on basic cable--a woman give a man "digital" satisfaction (BREAKING BAD is the show) and where on "regular" TV, a bare butt or bare nearly anything is considered family viewing. Asking if VICTORIA's SECRET is too sexy is like asking are the Montgomery Wards/Sears bra ads too sexy, i.e. it's old school, old world, just plain old. Better question is, who even CARES about Victoria's Secret anymore? My guess is this "too sexy" business and the new line Victoria's Secret is now touting is more than likely a publicity stunt to give their tired line some attention. I'm reminded of a line from the movie, INHERIT THE WIND, where Gene Kelly, playing the H.L. Mencken role, says of "Matthew Harrison Brady" (William Jennings Bryan), "How do you write an obituary for a man who has already been dead for 20 years?" Victoria's Secret has been dead since the early 90s. The internet and cable killed it. It just doesn't know it yet.
Believe it Or Not, it's a (Guiness) Record!
Recently, pal Lenore of the NEW YORK SUN put out an APB for insights to this question:
"Why do kids LOVE Ripley's Believe It or Not and The Guiness Book of World Records so much?"
Here's my response:
When I was in the 6th grade, I won a trip to Washington, D.C., and while I was there, picked up my first paperback copy of the GUINNESS WORLD BOOK OF RECORDS. I was hooked. I used to pick up a copy every year. Then I got a life. But anyway, while I was still a fat, nerdy kid, I loved GUINNESS because, I think, there's something hardwired into human nature that makes us love anything that's EXTREME...the fattest guy (I can still see the pix in my book of this 3,000 pound dude and the piano case they had to bury him in) to the world's worst miser (Henrietta Green, turn of the Century, Victoria era type lady who was worth millions but saved soap scraps in a tin and had her son lose his leg because she spent too much time trying to find a free clinic). Besides, kids love things that are goopy and weird and odd (just watch 10 minutes of NICKELODEON, seems every other program involves kids being dumped in green glop) and I think that comes from the fact that kids are particularly intune with what is DIFFERENT. This is why kids who wear glasses or don't wear the "right clothes" get picked on. GUINNESS and RIPLEY's take differences to the extreme so it's a veritable kids' playground.
"Why do kids LOVE Ripley's Believe It or Not and The Guiness Book of World Records so much?"
Here's my response:
When I was in the 6th grade, I won a trip to Washington, D.C., and while I was there, picked up my first paperback copy of the GUINNESS WORLD BOOK OF RECORDS. I was hooked. I used to pick up a copy every year. Then I got a life. But anyway, while I was still a fat, nerdy kid, I loved GUINNESS because, I think, there's something hardwired into human nature that makes us love anything that's EXTREME...the fattest guy (I can still see the pix in my book of this 3,000 pound dude and the piano case they had to bury him in) to the world's worst miser (Henrietta Green, turn of the Century, Victoria era type lady who was worth millions but saved soap scraps in a tin and had her son lose his leg because she spent too much time trying to find a free clinic). Besides, kids love things that are goopy and weird and odd (just watch 10 minutes of NICKELODEON, seems every other program involves kids being dumped in green glop) and I think that comes from the fact that kids are particularly intune with what is DIFFERENT. This is why kids who wear glasses or don't wear the "right clothes" get picked on. GUINNESS and RIPLEY's take differences to the extreme so it's a veritable kids' playground.
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